How long you’ve known a person is not an indicator of how well you know them.

We often take into account the amount of time we have made ourself acquanted with one another. It is a sounded logic, from outside perspectives.

“You have only known this guy for 2 months, how can you trust him?”

“You have only known them for half a year! what makes you think you can trust them?”

“You only met them for 1 night at a guest house and now you are going to travel with them?”

I am not saying that we should not take the duration of “friendship” into account or make it an invalid argument. My point is, you should not judge others relationship by the duration they have known each other. Evenif the only information you have is “how long they have known each other.”


First, the definition of “knowing” someone. As I understood,

(1) Acquanted = knowing the name, basic info, face, jobs, likes, dislikes, hobby, etc

(2) Knowing the person = knowing their values, personality, how they dealt with problems, how they feel about you, their preference, mindset, etc.

I was lost in context because in Thai, we use the same word “Roo-jak รู้จัก” for just “acquanted” and actually “knowing” someone. I do not know if it is the same in English or not, however majority of English speakers (non-native) I know of, rarely use the word “acquanted”. (I met….?)

It is true that over time, there will be many problems rising along the course of your friendship/relationship. And how they or both of you dealt with those problems will give you an idea of who they really are. That should be in the 2nd context.

However, there are also pitfalls in this argument. As an outsider, you have no idea what those people had gone through together or the experience they had. Whether they are intense or casual, whether they are real close or just an acquantance. Thus, we tend to mix both together and make assumptions.

Some people met each other 3 years ago, they rarely keep intouch. And while they have just keep intouch together recently; One shouldn’t just say “I have known this person for 3 years.” but rather “I have been acquanted with this person for 3 years but recently, we have become closer”.

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Think of your college friends, you have known their names and faces and have seen each other almost every class for 4 years (Thai’s curriculum) but you do not really know what do they do after class. Yet, when someone ask you “do you know this person”, “ah I met her when we were freshmen” that gives an assumption that you guys have known each other for quite some time which surprisingly, is a positive take.

(*I think there is also the sense of relatableness that plays in this part as well. If the person has something in relation to things you know well, you tend to give more credibility)

On the other hands, you have met this amazing person during university exchange program for 4 months, you have been to camping together, disastrous assignments together, travel together, had a heartfelt talks over a campfire, etc. Even with these short 4-month period, the outsider would generally take it as superficial since I think, they could not relate to anything that could shape the picture of the person they are imagining.

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Just like judging a book by its cover, I was one among those when I saw my friend got into relationship with a person whom she has just known for 7 days. I have recently came into realisation that, for the peace of my mind, I will not judge others relationship on ground that I do not know them well and I will never ever understand the bond or stories they share together.

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If you have to consider…I would like urge everyone not to make judgement on other’s friendship/relationship based on how long they have been acquanted with each other.

One year of knowing such person exists and One day of doing what you both like, makes so much difference.

 

And that concludes my thought of the day,

Whimsical Sojourner

PS. pictures are from www.pexels.com

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